The Wild Island Times March 31, 2012

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We picked them up yesterday at the Puerto Plata airport. Neil ( Oso Panda / Neo), Warren (Captain Uno), Ken ( definitely NOT Barbie’s bo), Big Ryan, and Canadian Mike ( Dr. Seuss) to begin a BIG week here at the villas in the middle of March. Today I am taking Woodeye ( John) to the airport to hop a flight back to Montreal. It has been a while since I have seen it. But there is definitely a tear in his eyes. He has been here 2 weeks, but he says he is leaving “too soon”. And it was a sight to see with 12 girls crowding around, crying, and kissing him farewell. Someone asked him if he had fallen in love here at the villas, and with whom. He responded, “Yes, everyday with a different one”. So true. He and young Doctor Joe (now called Doc Holiday) were buds and “cat herders”, keeping 10 -12 chicas entertained and content for more than a week, until the “reinforcements” arrived yesterday. Neil told Doc , as he was packing to leave, “It really gets harder to leave this place with every vacation. But, you know that it is time to go when you have to wear underwear again”. Ken , who has been here a few times and is a “veteran” was here , but upon his arrival he still had that “deer in the headlights” look. Warren (Captain Uno) said that sometimes it is “sensory overload” with the welcoming crowd of girls in their tiny bikinis and high heels. Each one welcoming you with a kiss and their name(s). But Warren went on to say that after 24 hours or so this place feels just like your home ( in paradise). So true. You forget what day of the week it is, and could care less. Stress, work, and worries are left some where in another world back up north. It is like going deep sea fishing and anticipating a big day. Every worry or resposibility that bothered you before is left on land when you are on board and the mooring lines are cast off at the dock.

And February? February was a busy month. The ides of February were a good start to the month. What with Mike K. (who works in the oil patch), Eric (Mac and Cheese) who is a “good guy” from New York, and Kelly (Grande) who is a private contractor working in Afghanistan. Kelly is mid thirties, former navy submariner, and this was his second trip to the villas. He was a perfect fit with the girls, emotionally and physically, most of the time (with his Magnum XLs and plenty of lube). He was here for 10 days and would have stayed longer if we had the room. It was PARDEE HARDEE every day and every night..

The L.A. “brothers 4” were here on their first visit to the DR beach villas (they had been to the Margarita Island villas before). They , Sal, and two new Canadian friends ( Richard and Steve) from Regina (rhymes with Vagina) were here for Valentine’s Week. We had both of the beachfront villas open for the week. We could have filled FOUR big villas that week with all of the other reservation requests that we had to turn away. The Valentines Day party was planned to be a “romantic” evening with dinner out at a beach restaurant under the palms and the clear blue caribbean night. But it “got sidetracked” when Fatima broke out 2 bottles of tequila. It turned out to be a “strip tease on the big table and naked girls in the garden hot tub night”. BUT everyone had fun. Happy Valentines Day .

Ryan (the Ryno) was here that week (not to be confused with the girls favorite BIG Ryan) for a “beerfest” and he fell in love with Emily. He said that he had “chosen ” her from her photos on our web site, and he was definitely not disappointed. He made a reservation to come back in June to celebrate his birthday (there is no better place on this planet to celebrate a man’s birthday). Ryans’s creedo is “Stay hydrated, so always have a beer in your hand.” I always buy one case of beer per day for each Canadian guest that is in the villas. The “Ryno Rule” is 2 cases of beer for each Ryno per day.

The last week of February was fun with R.N. ( a.k.a. The Animal ) who works in computer software. He said that he wanted to play golf at Playa Grande. So I thought , “Hey computer geek. I will kick his ass.” Not so fast, Mr. Magnum. He borrowed a set of clubs that Neil has left here at the villas. Well. It was an enlightening day. Don’t always judge a book by the cover . I am not that good (maybe a 20 handicap) but I can knock the cover off a golf ball. I always have at least a couple of 300+ yard drives in a round. One drive that I had was about 310 yds. I was pretty proud of myself. Well, the Animal hits it 320 yards. Ten yards past my “testosterone ” drive.! And consistently all day hit a 7 iron 200 yards. Yikes ! And this guy has just started playing! And he is a computer geek.
So for that reason (and some others) I gave him the nickname “The Animal”. I hope that he comes back (I am pretty sure that he will) so that I get another chance to “out testosterone” him.

That week we also had Jim from near St Louis ( Gen Patton) with us. He earned the nickname “Culo Blanco” from about 15 girls. And they said they like the way he moves it, moves it. Like I said, he “pardeed” with at least 15 chicas during his week here. Not bad for a 55 year old.

Abraham , a young (27) private contractor in Afghanistan was here. And many of the girls fell in love. He is the “quiet, deadly type”. Good guy.

Lance (the Lancer) was here. He is a business owner from L.A. , and looks like Huey Lewis of “The News” and speaks fluent Spanish and Chinese (go figure). He quickly earned the nick name “Mango” from the girls. But I still do not know why. It must be an “inside joke”. Lance’s communication with the girls was excellent. During a wild party one night he commented on the way that Karina moves her hips when she is lap dancing. She overheard and turned around to say , right in his face, ” I move my hips the same way in bed.” And smiled. Can you guess who he chose that night?

Ricardo, from Spain, was here in February and he dropped a bomb on the villas when he proposed (or made a proposal ?) to Ester and she accepted. BINGO. Number 54. Fifty four girls at the MWV villas here and in Margarita in the last 8 years that have been engaged or married to our guests. And is not intentional.. It just happens. But I am sure that many of the boys (our guests) will be wearing black arm bands in her memory on future visits. Ester is definitely “special” . I just hope that Ricardo understands just how “special” she is and he can keep up with her. Good luck, my friend.

You know, I found an interesting news article recently and I feel compelled to share it with you. It should be especially interesting for the “middle aged and older” guys that write to us every week asking if they will “fit in” at our villas. Specifically, they want to know how they will be accepted by a group of 12 or more young (20 something) latinas at our villas. He, he, he. All that I can say is “This a different culture, my friend”. So relax, sit back and read (the subject is discussed frequently on our web site bulletin board).

MEN PREFER YOUNGER WOMEN, AND WOMEN PREFER OLDER MEN

Research published recently in the journal BIOLOGY found that men prefer younger women. Because they are fertile, increasing their odds of producing healthy offspring. Psychologists at the University of Finland found that men who marry women 14.6 years younger than themselves have the highest number of healthy babies. And likewise, women prefer older men because they are more financially secure, and have a higher status in society, plentiful resources and an ability to provide for their offspring.

I personally think that most of our “brothers” here at the villas may have a different idea on motives, and benefits of being with younger women. A friend of mine , also a biologist ( my background is Marine Biology and seafood wholesaler) once told me that he had “calculated” the ideal age of a woman. He said it is 27 years, 6 months, and 22 days. “They are like ripe fruit on a tree. Just waiting to be picked and eaten.” I laughed . Just like a biochemist. Has to quantify everything. In the most pecise terms. That is what working at Hopkins Marine Station in Monterey for too many years does to your brain. Breathing too much formaldehyde.

The end of March is closing fast. We are planning a jeep safari to the Old French Lady’s Hotel this week with guests Gee and Steven. And 8 chicas (eat your heart out, Woodeye). To enjoy cocktails and sunset views from the second floor terrace overlooking the ocean. And to eat giant freshwater prawns at Esmeralda’s French restaurant. And enjoy swimming on some of the most beautiful beaches in the Caribbean (sometimes at midnight with a full moon). It sounds like paradise , doesn’t it? Believe me , it is. So come on down and join us for some island fun.

I think it is just about time to make another bloody mary. But none will ever be better than the ones we made with Woodeye’s Canadian Iceberg Vodka.

Cheers amigos, Thomas

Just chillin at the beach villas.

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